How good are you prepared to let things get?
At first glance you may think this is a strange statement – I know I did. But as I looked at my undesirable behaviour and self-sabotaging habits – I recognised that the connective tissue surrounding these patterns wasn’t my fear of failure but my fear of success.
And when I say ‘success’ – I am not talking about the traditional terms of material success, although that is part of it – here I am talking about living the life of my dreams and letting the flow of love and joy into my life on a regular basis.
I have discovered that most of us were not taught how to hold large amounts of love, joy, success, and happiness in our bodies.
When something positive happens out of the blue, we are often left feeling like we are unworthy and do not deserve the good fortune – this is the exact reason that over 70% of lottery winners end up broke.
I thought I would share a slice of my experience and the tools and resources that have helped me claim joy back into my life.
How Old Stories Hold Us Back From Success.
When I was 7 years old my father had an accident that changed everything in my life – this was the first time I learned that bad things can happen when you least expect them.
Without consciously knowing, this was the beginning of my fear of success. Every time I was feeling joy or flow in my life, my Ego would pipe up and whisper ‘remember, don’t you get too happy, bad things will happen.’
So I learned to dodge anything that made me feel too safe or inflow.
Instead, I inserted myself into jobs and friendship groups that felt like I was pushing shit uphill. My life felt hard, difficult, uneasy, misaligned (insert any other word which describes a poor fit) and I continued to run towards it.
I made myself believe that the struggle of it all was what would save me from the heartache of my past.
Was I wrong? Yes, I was.
How Fear Of Success Can Lead You To A Life You Don’t Want.
For most of my 20’s and 30’s I tried on ‘external success’. I competed with the best of them for the various job titles and climbed the corporate ladder. And I wasn’t bad at it. I understood the game and my chameleon-like nature served me well.
Although, I did start to realise that with every promotion & pay increase, I felt less and less joyful. I cannot remember one time I truly celebrated any of my accomplishments. I would joke that I was accidentally offered the role and now HR couldn’t go back on their word.
It wasn’t until I moved to London in 2017 from Australia that the reality of the way I was living my life dawned on me.
Over the course of a couple of years, I slowly deconstructed and reconstructed who I wanted to be in this world (I was fortunate enough to have been able to access A LOT of external help).
It was the first time I admitted to myself that no matter what cool title I had, I wouldn’t be happy because what I really desired was to help people live their best life (a very big departure from my Corporate Strategy job).
In fact, it was in 2017 when I first came up with the idea of the twofeetin self-growth platform.
But I was crippled by the idea of living my dreams and Fear of Success.
It took me another 2 years of procrastination before I got moving.
How We Can Sit With Success In Our Body & Still Be OK.
It wasn’t until the beginning of 2021 and into the throes of what felt like the 18th lockdown that I decided to start the twofeetin newsletter.
This was a huge step for me, I cautiously dipped my toe into the water of sharing more about the real me.
I then completed my coaching accreditation, coupled with joining a few mastermind groups about energetics and authentic leadership.
Before I knew it I was working with a developer to build my twofeetin directory of services and launch my online presence.
Through it all, I kept telling myself that this was the little fun side project that I could do outside my normal 9 to 5.
It wasn’t until I started working with my wonderful coach that she pulled out of me what I really desired – I wanted to build a wellness platform & coach people to help them reimagine their life.
And I also wanted this to be my full-time gig.
As soon as I said these words outloud, I went through a rollercoaster of emotions that ranged from being overjoyed that I had finally found my passion to being scared shitless that I was going to ‘throw away’ nearly 20 years in the corporate world.
I also found it incredibly hard to accept and believe that I was allowed to do what I love and still make money and have a happy family. In the past, I had always believed that something has to give.
Over a series of sessions, she helped me lean into the feeling of the life I wanted to create and let in the love and joy. Whenever I felt myself falling back into the fear, I practiced saying things like:
- “I get to choose how the next chapter of my life looks”
- “I get to choose how I feel about my life”
- “Why can’t my life be this joyful”
We also used a technique called ‘recalibration’ where she helped me teach my body and let in these new feelings of success, love, joy, and contentment.
In the beginning, I found it hard to even say some of the phrases she was asking me to repeat – they literally got caught in my throat, but eventually, I taught my nervous system that I can handle this next level of success and joy and most importantly I am worthy of receiving it.
There’s lots more work to do, but I feel like this is a good start.
Tools, Tips & Resouces for Fear Of Success